The Bea Blog consists of excerpts from the
diaries my grandmother Bea Cohen (1899-1985) kept for 38 years, starting in
1913. For more background, see Part I -- Intro and 1913 (under Blog Archive).
The Bea Blog -- Excerpts from My Grandmother's Diaries
The Bea Blog -- Excerpts from My Grandmother's Diaries
Part
VIII
1919-1920
EDITOR’S NOTE
Though
I’ll never know exactly the quality of Bea and Milton’s relationship over the
first 30 years of their marriage (during which they lived together and raised
my mother and my aunt, before separating in 1951), I can’t read these two
volumes without wanting to yell,
“Don’t do it” -- just as the protagonist does in Delmore Schwartz’s 1937 short
story “In Dreams Begin Responsibilities.”
In Schwartz’s story, the protagonist is watching a silent movie of his parents’ courtship:
[A]nd it was then that I stood up in the theatre and shouted, “Don’t do it. It’s not too late to change your minds, both of you.”
1919
The Year of the Engagement
Bea and Milton get engaged; Bea quits her job at McClure’s; and Bea struggles with her misgivings about Milton and their future.
January
January 6
Theodore Roosevelt died early this morning. That certainly was an unexpected shock to everybody and hard to believe. The world never had a realer man.
Bea works late at times – enjoying “the movie business” part of her job (McClure’s had begun producing films in addition to its magazine). She relishes her independence and hopes for a raise – but she is also swayed by the traditional expectations of her parents and Milton.
Inside of me I really feel that I’m worth more than
$18 a week.
Mother and Father would both like to see me throw up
my job but nothing doing. I expect to hang in for a while, believe me. [. . .]
I do feel that I am very young and have the right to expect some enjoyment
before I settle me down for good and ever.
February
Milton wants me to give up my position and I must admit that all his arguments are true. I’ll have to think it over seriously.
Bea
continues to spend time with other male friends (Morton, Gerry, Herman, Bert)
but Milton is foremost in her thoughts.
I like many and love one.
February
17
Mother and I watched the parade of the 15th
Regiment -- colored -- and then walked from 72nd and 5th Ave
home.
On Feb. 17, 1919, “3,000 veterans of the 369th Infantry (formerly the 15th New York (Colored) Regiment) paraded up from Fifth Avenue at 23rd Street to 145th and Lenox. One of the few black combat regiments in World War I, they’d earned the prestigious Croix de Guerre from the French army under which they’d served for six months of ‘brave and bitter fighting.’ Their nickname they’d received from their German foes: ‘Hellfighters,’ the Harlem Hellfighters.” Henry Louis Gates, Jr. at http://www.pbs.org/wnet/african-americans-many-rivers-to-cross/history/who-were-the-harlem-hellfighters/
March
Milton and Bea talk of a wedding in the fall of 1921, but soon after push it up to 1920
March 22
Milton intends telling his folks
tomorrow about us. I hope that someday I’ll be contented, happy and satisfied.
March
30
I am engaged.
March
31
Bea gives notice
April
April
1
Bea tells Milton she is keeping her job
I struck him dumb absolutely until I reminded him of the date [April Fool’s].
I felt a bit dissatisfied this evening. There will be no girlhood for me to look back on – I mean that most of it has been just waiting for something to turn up that didn’t.
April 3
In a way I hate to leave it all. I have got to fill my time and I will, and try to do some good in the world.
April
5
Bea’s last day at work
April
7
My first lady-bum day [. . .] I don’t know how long I’ll like it, but I realize I don’t have to earn my living and I believe I’m grateful for all I have.
But
in just a few days she’s thinking of returning to work
I’ve got to change this bumming life somehow or go back to McClure’s. Very possibly I will in the fall.
April
18
Bea
tells one of her admirers – Morton -- of her engagement, though it is still not
public news
I’m not sorry Morton knows what he does because I sincerely want to play fair, but sometimes I am sorry that I found Milton as soon as I did. It will work right in the end no doubt.
May
May 20
Bea,
riding a bus with Milton, observes an elderly couple sitting nearby
They looked very happy – even yet – and I called them Mr. and Mrs. Milton Rubin in 1999.
Meanwhile,
Victorian propriety is alive and well
Mother and Father think it disrespectful to them for me to stand with my hair down in front of Milton when they are there. Father called me a lemon and gave me a bit of the dickens. He said, “You’re not engaged to Milton yet.” He must mean not officially.
May
26
Milton has another strike bothering him. I hope he gets it settled tomorrow.
Bea’s passing mention of “another strike” refers to an important stepping-stone in American labor history. In 1919, after numerous strikes that year and before, Paterson silk workers finally won the eight-hour day. (http://www.kean.edu/~NJHPP/proRef/silkStrike/pdf/silkStrikeLesson.pdf, http://nyccirca.blogspot.com/2013/12/paterson-new-jersey-sum-and-silk-strike.html)
May
29
Marion graduates from Horace Mann with awards for athletics and citizenship.
This was Marion’s big day! This morning Mother and I went up to school for the closing exercises – to hear Marion award the varsity and interclass basketball insignias, to receive hers, and mainly to watch her get the Citizenship medal.
Marion (top row, 2nd
from right) with her basketball teammates at Horace Mann
June
There’s a hard time coming when definite plans will have to be made for my wedding. Too many people I really don’t want and then there’s the question of food. Mother and Father do not want it kosher and I surely don’t blame them. Neither do I want it. How I’d love a small fine wedding! I doubt if it can be. I’ll have the groom I want though.
Milton sounded full of go, and happy.
July
The Cohens take a house in Far Rockaway again for the summer. Meanwhile, Milton continues to work at his father’s company, American Silk Mills, and live at home in Manhattan. American Silk Mills has a mill in Paterson and is building one in Long Branch. Milton’s father puts him in charge of the Long Branch project.
The mill they are going to put up [in Long Branch]
will take time and energy until it’s there.
Bea
meets “a bunch of Rubins” for the first time
My mother and father-in-law I like best of them all
[…] All those relations are very religious and not as Mother and Father. They
will have very little in common and I hope won’t have to meet too often. Mr.
and Mrs. Rubin […] will get along with Mother and Father I know.
We plan to come out to the public the day after
Milton is 21 [November 15, 1919].
July
19
Marion
is rejected by Bryn Mawr
Marion heard from Bryn Mawr that she is not admitted and the poor kid is upset that all those years of hard work haven’t gotten her what she strove for.
Sex
is in the air, but Bea is reticent
Marion got two sex books today that she sent for and
evidently learned much. I am remarkably ignorant but somehow haven’t much
desire to learn. I’ll know all I need to in good time, no doubt.
August
Milton is such a marvel, so original, so mentally brainy. It is puzzling that he finds what he wants and needs in me, but I thank God he does.
August 28
I saw some real champion tennis at
Forest Hills this afternoon – Williams, Davis, Patterson, Washburn, “Itchy”,
Tilden, Biddle, Murray, etc.
“Itchy” (really “Ichy”) was Ichiya Kumagae (1890-1968), a Japanese tennis player who in 1920 became the first Japanese Olympic medalist. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ichiya_Kumagae
September
Marion is accepted at Smith College. Bea accompanies Marion on a short trip to Northampton to find her a room before classes begin. During their search, they run into an anti-Semitic landlady.
One woman Marion and I won’t forget. She said she had no prejudice but, er, to what church did we belong? She was different after that.
Soon after, Bea, Marion, and their mother Pauline drop Marion in
Northampton for the start of her freshman year
Marion won’t have a cinch at first – she couldn’t help crying – but I really think she’ll like it when she’s used to it.
Late
September
Bea and Milton’s engagement is now “semi-public” – and they plan to make it official on Bea’s 20th birthday (October 18)
I am so happy and contented – if only Marion weren’t so lonesome, I could ask for no more.
Bea
tells her friend Jeannette Lorber of her engagement. (Thirty years later Milton
leaves Bea for Jeannette.) Bea describes
this as an awkward encounter for both young women, though it isn’t clear why. I
don’t know how well Jeannette knew Milton (if at all) at this point, or if the
situation is awkward simply because Jeannette is not yet engaged to anyone.
It was just as hard for her to congratulate me […] Such an odd experience.
October
Bea
and Milton’s parents finally meet
Milton and I have been engaged eight months and tonight for the first time and while we are out, our folks meet.
Bea
asserts her stand on how she wants to live (i.e. not keeping kosher) once she
and Milton are married
I simply want my home run my way and I can’t see why we shouldn’t do otherwise. Respect to his parents doesn’t answer the question for me. I can’t forget about it because I know their religion and our nonreligion are going to bunk up against each other someday.
October
18
Bea
turns 20, the engagement is official and Milton gives Bea an engagement ring
The stone is so white that it makes my hand look almost unclean.
November
Bea and her parents disagree over placing an engagement notice in the paper
I’ve been deluding myself that I wouldn’t have to get into the papers, but Father says it must be, so it will go. Am I never right? I’m right but always I must do this and that because everybody else does.
November
15
Bea’s engagement
announcement (third item from top)
December
The
wedding date is set for April 19, 1920 – and it will be held at the Hotel
Astor. Bea bemoans the large number of guests Milton’s parents want to invite
to the wedding (70 couples on their side). She feels sorry for her parents, who
will bear the bulk of the expenses.
To me the whole fuss of the wedding business is a
criminal waste of thousands of dollars.
The final bill sent to Bea's father from the Hotel Astor
Meanwhile,
Marion is unhappy at Smith and plans to leave school in January.
Yet
Bea concludes the year on an upbeat note.
1919 has been the biggest fullest year for me so far and I expect 1920 to be even more -- I wouldn’t change Milton with anybody in the world. There is only one of him.
1920
The Year of the Wedding
As their wedding approaches, Bea and Milton continue to be at odds over religion, status, money, and sex. Milton is domineering; Bea asserts herself but also blames herself.
January
January
1
I do hope this will be a wonderful year for Milton and me – I guess 99% is up to me […] I don’t ever expect to understand why he wants to bestow the title of Mrs. MHR on me.
If Milton mistreats me I can go [back to McClure’s]
[. . .] Secretary to Mr. Collins would be a position.
The
Rubins criticize Bea behind her back – and Milton shares this with her
[Milton’s stepmother told him] that the “family” had
noticed my clothes […] Just what the point is we don’t know. Evidently that for
an engaged girl I haven’t enough. Oh
Lord! Gosh that gets me. Milton damned and helled a bit and said after this it
would always be me first. I’d love to believe that but so far it’s always his
family he considers first.
His family is always at the bottom of our scraps
since we’ve been officially engaged.
Milton says the two things that are likely to make
our lives humdrum are his family and my pessimism. We discussed the Kosher
question and still I don’t want it.
Milton had a talk with his [stepmother] – rather his
[stepmother] told him what the “family” said and thought about my clothes, etc.
Money, money and insinuating that Mother and Father don’t spend enough on me.
Gosh I was mad. The less spent on something for me, the more I appreciate it.
February
Bea is offered a top secretarial position at McClure’s, but turns it down
My home advisory council says no!
Bea
struggles with fluctuating desire for Milton and they go through a particularly
bad patch
It’s too bad I have that Frigidaire disagreeable
streak in me.
The term “Frigidaire” was only just introduced into the English language around this time: in 1919, General Motors changed the name of the Guardian Frigerator Company to Frigidaire. http://history.gmheritagecenter.com/wiki/index.php/The_Frigidaire_Story
Milton must be so unhappy. He says he is just
bewildered at the way I act and when I told him sometimes I feel I could sit at
the other end of the room and be friends and be satisfied, he laughed with
tears in his eyes. What’s the matter with me?
Milton and Marion and I got together and spoke about all the trouble making my family and his unhappy. It’s me – they evidently feel I don’t care for Milton and say I show no interest in them. When we’re all out together and Milton touches me, I draw my arm away. That for an illustration makes them think – Lord knows what. They don’t seem to realize that I’m not a raving violently showing loving person. It’s up to me I guess. I’ll have to turn into an efficient camouflager.
March
The Cohens’ hired help provide a diversion from the wedding planning
We have a cook!! She’s a jim dandy too.
We have a Jap to buttle and though I sympathize with him because he doesn’t
understand English well, his serving at times was laughable. Oyster forks with
jelly roll!
The
wedding showers begin – Bea is “showered” with stockings, gloves, hangers,
handkerchiefs, and more
Mrs. Wolff is giving me the most marvelous gift – a
cabinet with a victrola in it.
A Victrola ad from
1920 (http://ctgpublishing.com/victor-records-advertisements-1920/victor-records-advertisement-1920/)
March
31
The
honeymoon is planned
Milton said he could get away for six weeks so it
will be California.
April – The Month of the Wedding
April
12 – only a week to go
Milton
and Bea get their marriage license
Milton called for me this morning with a red
carnation in his buttonhole and a box of flowers under his arm. We went to City
Hall for our license and almost didn’t get it because Milton is of minimum age [21]. The city clerk Mr. Scully himself spoke to us and
made us swear again to the truth […] Milton would almost have had to get his
birth certificate, but a little graft helps much. We went from there to Tiffany
and bought my wedding ring. Then we went to Cook’s [travel agency] and Milton
gave them a check.
April
13
Marion has placed all my gifts in the living room on exhibition and I sure have some stunners.
Milton
seeks advice on preparing Bea for their wedding night
Mother thought I should see Dr. Epstein but Milton doesn’t think it will be necessary. He’s going to see Dr. Rubin tomorrow and will know then what I’m to do. I learned more from him tonight that I hadn’t known. He is a blessing, simply wonderful. I worship him and admire him so.
Isidore Clinton Rubin (1883-1958) was Milton’s uncle. He was a gynecologist and obstetrician.
I. C. Rubin (http://library.mssm.edu/services/archives/archives_collections/rubin.shtml)
And
Milton decides where the newlyweds will spend the wedding night
We are going to stay at the Vanderbilt Monday night. The boys are up to some trick and Milton doesn’t think they’ll watch the Vanderbilt.
Religious
questions at the last minute
It seems there’s a religious custom for a woman to go through a certain ceremony before she’s married […] Of course I won’t. Luckily Milton doesn’t want me to because he knows I couldn’t feel the spirit of it.
The Jewish pre-wedding custom Bea refers to is most likely the mikvah (ritual bath).
April
18
My last single night! This morning we had a
rehearsal at the Astor […] Bea Cohen won’t write in here again.
April
19
Bea leaves this page blank
Bea
and Milton are married at the Hotel Astor by Rabbi Mordecai Kaplan. Kaplan
(1881-1983) was Milton’s uncle (married to Milton’s aunt, Lena Rubin) and founder of the Reconstructionist
movement.
Kaplan family
photo, ca. 1917 (reproduced from Communings
of the Spirit -- The Journals of Mordecai M. Kaplan, Vol. 1, edited by Mel
Scult) (This is the only photo I have ever seen of “Grandma Rubin” –
Fruma Keller Rubin – who was my great-great-grandmother, Milton’s grandmother, and Rabbi Kaplan’s mother-in-law)
Bea
on her wedding day, April 19, 1920
April
20
The wedding notice appears in the New York Times
Bea’s wedding announcement (third from bottom). (Also listed, second from bottom, is the wedding announcement of the daughter of Israel Rokeach – whose name is well-known to consumers of kosher food. He began marketing gefilte fish, borscht, and kosher jams under the Rokeach label in the early 1900’s. http://www.kosherfest.com/about-kosher/the-history-of-kosher)
And
on this day Bea and Milton begin their cross-country honeymoon. Bea’s diary entries
from this point on are very short. She makes no reference to her wedding night
and writes only a few words for each day of her honeymoon and several days
thereafter.
Left NY on 2:45 20th Century. Mother,
Father, Mr. and Mrs. Rubin, Marion, Harold, Edna, Gerry, Essie showered us with
rice and confetti.
The 20th Century Limited was an express passenger
train operated by the New York Central Railroad. From 1902 to 1967,
the train traveled between Grand Central Terminal in New
York City and LaSalle Street Station in Chicago,
Illinois. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/20th_Century_Limited
Bea
and Milton travel by train and car to Chicago, Albuquerque, the Grand Canyon,
various spots in California and Colorado, Kansas City, and St. Louis. Bea’s
letters home (we found a number of these after she died) are uniformly
cheerful.
The newlyweds return to New York on June 1. Then Milton goes back to work and Bea and Milton move to Long Branch where they will live with Bea’s family for the summer before moving into their own apartment in New York in the fall.
The newlyweds return to New York on June 1. Then Milton goes back to work and Bea and Milton move to Long Branch where they will live with Bea’s family for the summer before moving into their own apartment in New York in the fall.
Bea’s last diary entry for 1920 is on June 7
I’ve moved to Cohen Villa by Westwood Ave. Everything is upset naturally but the house is
a dandy and in a day or two will be running along in order.
Bea’s next diary begins in 1951
No comments:
Post a Comment